How to Pray More

“I don’t care what you say, talk to me.”

Any one know the reference? It’s a song from the musical Bye Bye Birdie, of all things. Where the protagonist is singing to the woman he loves, begging her to just talk to him. The few lines I remember from the song are always what pop into my head whenever I read a book or article about prayer, or when I hear someone teaching on prayer, and how we should be praying more (it always seems like we can be doing more).

This picture of the man begging his lover to “just talk to him” is what hits me about the song and how it relates to prayer. This really is God’s view of prayer. It is the means by which his people, his beloved, talk to him.

This is one of our first pictures together while on a short term missions trip to Italy.

What lover doesn’t want their beloved to talk to them? As a mom of four kids, I am always stealing away moments to talk to my husband. Talking to him is what I literally stay up late to do. I can’t get enough of the guy! Even with my busy days of babies, cleaning, homework, and making dinner.

If I spend so much time and energy talking to my beloved who is here, and who loves me imperfectly, should I not also have the same excitement to talk to my Beloved who loves me perfectly? I should, and I want to, then why is prayer so hard? Why do so many Christians find prayer hard?

Well, I cannot speak to everyone, but I can speak to what my problem is. For me it is an issue of habit. Simple? Yes. Easy? No.

I fall out of the habit of talking. I am introverted by nature, so it is easy for me to stay in my head and not talk. It is easy to not talk. I know not everyone is like this. Perhaps for you there is something you need to talk to your spouse, or parent, or friend about, but for some reason you can’t. You maybe find it easy to talk about sports, a favorite TV show, how your kids are doing, but not about it (whatever it is). The main thing you have been meaning to bring up, just never happens. Why? I think it’s because we stick to what is normal, what is easy, what is comfortable, and we don’t make new habits of talking. Talking to different people, talking about deeper things, talking about the things of God, or talking to God. It’s simple to change, we just start talking regularly, but it isn’t easy. (I have a theory that simple things are never easy, but that’s for another post.)

For me, I had fallen out of the habit of praying because it was never really a habit of mine to begin with. For those who don’t know my story, here’s the short version: while I grew up in a Christian home, and even made some kind of profession of faith, I didn’t truly give myself over to Christ’s Lordship and have a saving faith of my own until I was in college. I got married right after college, and became a mom a year after that. So, life progressed quickly for me, and there are lots of habits (whether in the home, or in my heart) I never developed. Prayer is one of them.

So, I’ve started anew. I’ve started setting up routines, times, and places for me to pray regularly. That word is key: regularly.

Here’s what I do to make sure I pray.

How to Pray Regularly:

  1. Pick a Time – For me this is during Jesse’s first, or second, morning nap. I sit in my nursing chair, read my bible, and pray. I use my bible reading to direct my prayers.
  2. Pick a Place – As I said above, I pray in my nursing chair. It’s my quiet place. It’s in my room, away from the rest of the house. The older kids can, and do, come to me there, but are always quiet and cautious to not wake the baby, which makes it a good place for Mommy to have some quiet time with God.
  3. Pick an Object – This is something I’ve picked up from a couple different places, but specifically from the tradition of prayer quilts. I was first introduced to the concept of prayer quilts years ago when my Nana got very sick. She was given a prayer quilt from some of her friends who had prayed for her using the quilt while she was in the hospital. A prayer quilt has strings on the top of it and people can gather around it and as they pray they tie the strings in to knots, one knot equaling one prayer. I really like the tactile nature of this tradition. I have adjusted it by using objects I use in my everyday life to be memorials of prayer.
    • My first object is my mug. I hold my mug with both hands, feeling the warmth from the hot tea (or coffee) and that feeling slows down my mind. I close my eyes and I pray. Right there with my mug in my hands.
    • My second object is a pair of earrings. Almost six years ago, a friend of mine was in the process of adopting an embryo. She had also made these earrings. Once we found out one of the embryos she and her husband had adopted had successfully implanted, I wore those earrings. I wore them nearly everyday for her whole pregnancy, and every time I put them in my ears I prayed for her, her husband, and the baby growing within her. (That little embryo is now a healthy, happy, five year old and dear friend of my children.) Someone in my life recently shared with me they are trying to conceive their first child and are finding it a bit discouraging. I’m wearing the earrings again.
  4. Pick Requests – I currently have one prayer request I am praying for every day. I don’t keep a list of prayer requests, mostly because I don’t have time, yet, to dedicate to praying through the list. However, whenever someone gives me a request, I pray for it right then in the moment.

Bonus points:

It takes discipline. I didn’t want to hear this, and I know this is hard (see, I told you! Simple but hard.) You have to choose to pray instead of doing something else. You have to take the time away from something else and pray. It’s totally worth it! But you have to do it.

You are not alone. God wants. you to pray, and he helps you to pray. This has been the most amazing part of creating a habit of prayer, for the Christian, this is more than a habit, it’s sanctification. Creating a habit of prayer makes you more like Christ.

Have you ever heard the advice “pray until you pray” when trying to develop your habit of prayer? I have, so often! It’s the idea that you should begin doing the thing before your feelings are in it, or even when your feelings aren’t in it. I didn’t really understand this, or how it could work until I read C. S. Lewis’ version of it. He uses the analogy of tin soldiers playing pretend at being real, that this is what Christians are doing essentially at playing to be like Jesus, except that he is beside us, helping us, and making us more real, and less tin (basically, the process of sanctification).

“Now the moment you realise ‘Here I am, dressing up as Christ,’ it is extremely likely that you will see at once some way in which at that very moment the pretence could be made less of a pretence and more of a reality. You will find several things going on in your mind which would not be going on there if you were really a son of God… You see what is happening. The Christ Himself, the Son of God who is a man (just like you) and God (just like His Father) is actually at your side and is already at that moment beginning to turn your pretence in to reality… The real Son of God is at your side. He is beginning to turn your into the same kind of thing as Himself. He is beginning, so to speak to ‘inject’ His kind of life and thought, His Zoe, into you; beginning to turn the tin soldier into a live man. The part of you that does not like it is the. part that is still tin.”

Mere Christianity, by C. S. Lewis

It’s a Process

What I take from the above quote, and from encouragement from scripture in general, is to keep going. Don’t give up if you’ve missed a few days or weeks, or whatever. Just pick up where you left on, or begin anew. God is always waiting to talk to his children. He loves it. It wants it.

I think it’s also helpful, and hopeful, to remember what Jesus said about prayer. He never said “if you pray, pray like this…”. Instead, he always said “when you pray…”. So do it. Just pray. Yes, it may be fumbling and awkward at first, that’s how conversations usually go when you haven’t spoken in a while. It’s normal. Just start talking with God.

I hope you are encouraged by some of my tips to get started praying, again or for the first time.

Soli Deo Gloria

For The Soul Who Needs Encouragement – A devotional through songs

My mom gave me a little devotional about a year ago. It’s from The Daily Grace Co. called Hymns for a Mother’s Heart. It walks through about twenty old hymns, and the truths from scripture they speak to. It has been a great encouragement and blessing to me in the midst of all that is motherhood.

I think the greatest blessing I have received, however, is from a playlist I made of the hymn listed in the book. I listen through the playlist now almost daily. Some of these hymns were new to me, others are old favorites, so I equally found artists that were new to me and others that are favorites to feature on this playlist.

So today, I thought I would share not just this little devotional, but also the playlist I created via Spotify.

Here are the 21 hymns on the playlist and in the devotional:
1. ‘Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus
2. Doxology
3. Just a Closer Walk with Thee
4. Great is Thy Faithfulness
5. I Need Thee Every Hour
6. Turn Your Eyes
7. Be Thou My Vision
8. He Leadeth Me
9. Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross
10. It Is Well With My Soul
11. I Stand Amazed (How Marvelous)
12. There Is A Fountain
13. Rock Of Ages
14. Jesus, I Am Resting, Resting
15. Blessed Assurance
16. Holy, Holy, Holy
17. On Christ the Solid Rock
18. In The Garden
19. The Old Rugged Cross
20. And Can It Be?
21. O Come Let Us Adore Him

Soli Deo Gloria

Reading Review – February

Books finished: 10
M is For Mama: A Rebellion Against Mediocre Motherhood by Abbie Halberstadt, The Spy Who Came in From the Cold by John Le Carré, Anxious For Nothing by John MacArthur, This Beautiful Truth by Sarah Clarkson, The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling (re-read), Aggressively Happy by Joy Marie Clarkson, Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, For the Love of Discipline by Sara Wallace (re-read), A Place on Earth by Wendell Berry.

Audiobooks: 8
In this phase of life, with littles and new-ish-born I clearly would not be reading anything without audiobooks. One of my, non-audiobook was Mere Christianity, which I started reading in January 2022 – over a year ago! My other non-audiobook was For the Love of Discipline, which was a re-read. The first time I read it was via an audiobook, and I liked it so much that I bought a copy so I could read it again and make notes in it. I also started it early last year. So, yes, I’m a big fan of audiobooks.

Most enjoyed: M is For Mama hands down. I’m even ordering a hard copy of it for myself. So good. Highly recommend!

Least enjoyed: The Spy Who Came in From the Cold. I knew from the tone at the beginning of this book just how it would end and how much I was not looking forward to it. I powered through this audiobook in I think two days. I just wanted to get it over with. There’s nothing particularly wrong with the book, it’s just depressing and sad and ends on a “it was all for naught” kind of note. Not my jam.

Commonplace Quotes:

To be a homemaker is a defiant act because it is work entirely opposed to the forces of evil

This Beautiful Truth by Sarah Clarkson

For it is a truth universally acknowledged that a child in possession of a sinful nature must be in want of a mama who loves and seeks the Lord (sorry Jane Austen, I had to).

M is for Mama by Abbie Halberstadt

… a Christian must not be either a Totalitarian or an Individualist. I feel a strong desire to tell you – and I expect you to feel a strong desire to tell me – which of these two errors is the worse. That is the devil getting at us. He always sends errors into the world in pairs – pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is worse. You see why, of course? He replies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled. We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them.

Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis

When Jo Gets Married

This still from the 2019 Little Women film is very Abby and I.

Anyone get this reference?

It’s from Little Women. It is arguably the climax of the story, when Jo Marsh finally gets married. At this point in the story, all the other sisters have gotten married. Jo had thought for a while that she would never get married, but then she does and it’s beautiful.

We just had this moment as a family. My sister, my dear Abby, got married last month. There are four of us siblings, just like in Little Women, and the three others have already gotten married, and now it was Abby’s turn.

I was my sister’s matron of honor. So, I thought I’d share my speech from the reception. There was much crying when I read it, so get some tissues if you need.

Hello!
I’m Anna. I’m Abby’s sister. I’m the oldest Halverson sibling. I have four children, three of which were in the wedding. The youngest isn’t sitting up on his own yet, so he wasn’t in the wedding party. I’m married to Mike, and almost 9 years ago, Abby was standing up giving a speech for my wedding. I have no idea what she said, but I’m sure it was sweet and I know that I cried. 
So, my goal today is to make Abby cry. In order to do so, I have a story. 
Abby is famous for writing notes. Not just any notes, but notes to people she’s upset with. It’s one of those things where in the heat of an argument you can’t get all your words out, and afterwards you think of all the things you should have said, and you can slow down and decompress. Yes, well, Abby did that all through childhood. If you had a fight with Abby, it was highly probable you would get a note.
I got a note once. We had a fight, and afterwards I got a note. The note was written in colorful marker, was several pages long, and had big fat tear blotches on it. It started a third down the page with the words: “Who is Anna?” It went on, in a rather poetic fashion, to describe how much Abby looked up to me as her big sister, how much she wanted me to be proud of her, how much she loved me, and forgave me. 
It was the most Abby thing I had ever seen. 

So here’s my note to Abby.

Who is Abby?
Abby is more.
More kind, more forgiving,
More passionate, more emotive.
More impacted by other people’s words and actions.
More confident in who her God is transforming her to be.
Abby is the best singer I know.
She also gives the best hugs, and the best gifts.
Abby cries the hardest, but she recovers well. 
Give her time.
I’ve been with her since she was born.
She’s the Jo to my Meg, the Ramona to my Beezus, the Jane to my Elizabeth.
She’s my best friend. 
I’ve worked hard to be her friend, because I wasn’t always. 
I’ve failed her lots of times. 
She still loves me. 
Who is Abby?
Abby is more.
And I can’t wait to see what more she will be, with Justyn, her other best friend.

Speech given on January 28, 2023
There’s me up on the stage, smiling and totally weeping.
Happy, happy day!

Soli Deo Gloria

Encouraging a Struggling Reader

For clarity, I am specifically going to talk about my own experience with one of my children, and what I have done that has helped my family.

What do I mean by “Struggling Reader”?

There are lots of definitions and terms in talking about students and reading. A reluctant reader or struggling reader is typically a student who is not motivated to read, does not enjoy reading, complains about reading, etc. The student may find the process of reading difficult to do, yet, without practice they cannot advance their reading skills or fluency. So, because they don’t practice reading takes more work, so it is hard, and therefore not enjoyable. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle.

My eldest son is a struggling reader. His birthday is late August. So, just because of where his birthday falls he is one of the youngest kids in his class. Reading has not – to this point, over halfway through the school year – come easily for him. It’s hard for him, and therefore he is not super motivated to do it.

My son is a typical human. He wants to do what is fun! Not hard! He’d way rather go run around, or build Legos, or tease his sisters, or really anything else besides read.

As his mom, and as a person who really loves to read, and write, I have found this struggle of his really hard for me! I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but sometimes I do. I want my son to enjoy what I enjoy. I want him to love books. I don’t want him to struggle. I don’t want him to have difficulty in school when I know he is a smart, capable child. And, and, and, and… (cue the spiral of mom guilt).

But let’s not wallow.

What have we done?

Chasing bubbles 🙂

What have we done to help our son, and all our kids? It’s pretty straight forward: we have worked to foster a love of stories. Not a love of books (not specifically), but stories.

This has turned out to be key for our son. If we force the books issue, then books become an obstacle at best, and the bad guy at worst. If we instead make the issue stories, that opens up a whole range of things for him, including shows, movies, audiobooks, bible stories (my kids don’t count the bible as a “regular book”. Kid logic, it’s cute), even songs.

My husband and I have worked to make our home a place of stories, starting when the kids were babies. Reading out loud has been an important part of this. We have been reading out loud to them since they were born. We read books before bed for years. Now, with school schedules and early mornings, we read before dinner and/or at the dinner table (after we eat, no food on my books please!). We tell stories all the time, about things we imagine, dreams we had, what happened in our days, etc. We play pretend with the kids – which is basically acting out stories. We watch movies together. We talk about the shows we watch (my kids will literally shout out “teamwork and friendship!” to their shows when they see the trope because we talk about it so much!). Anytime a story is being told, we jump into it.

I can now officially tell you that this has paid off. After seven and a half years of this, my son figured out just two weeks ago that books contain stories. More specifically, that the pictures don’t tell you the full story – but the words do. He just figured out that in order to understand the whole story (including the jokes, because of course he likes funny books best), he actually has to do the work of reading the words.

I didn’t tell him. My husband didn’t tell him. Even if we had given him the lecture about “you should really read the words, not just the pictures, because you’re missing the story”, he wouldn’t have listened, or believed us! (To be honest I did get halfway through this lecture, and stopped because I realized he had 100% tuned me out.)

If you have a struggling reader, this is the key, I think.

Keep reading to them. Keep engaging with stories. Keep things fun! Don’t avoid hard things, but don’t make them feel like they are on their own, like it’s this insurmountable task they have to do alone. Do it with them. Sit with them as they struggle through the words. Be their cheerleader. Celebrate any victory, even the small ones on the normal days. It’s a cumulative effect. They will figure it out. They will find the story that they love.

Kids are way more interested in what we adults find interesting, what we value, what we spend time doing with them.

Maybe I’ll have my husband do a post on how he encourages our kids in loving math!

What are you doing to encourage your kids in whatever they struggle in? Is there something you struggled in as a child? What encouraged you?

Update: I was looking up some books that might interest my son. He found me and joined me, and we researched some books. He got very excited about one in particular, and counted up his money to buy it. Just a few days ago it arrived in the mail! This is the first book he’s ordered for himself. So exciting!

Soli Deo Gloria